The BASEBALL RELIQUARY Inc.
ALL-STAR BASEBALL
COMEDY SCRAPBOOK
A capacity crowd of nearly 100 people packed Pasadena, California’s Ice House Annex
on Thursday, March 21, 2002 for the Baseball Reliquary’s All-Star Baseball Comedy
Benefit. All proceeds generated from ticket sales went to support the Baseball
Reliquary’s Ebbets Field Cake project, a charitable
cause which was the subject of much good-natured ribbing by the performers.
Coordinated by Jack Riley, Chris Epting, and
Terry Cannon, the All-Star Baseball Comedy Benefit featured a superlative roster of
stand-up comedians and performers, who have distinguished themselves for many years in
television, radio, film, and theater. Joining together for this one night to perform a
variety of baseball-related routines and anecdotes were, in alphabetical order, Richie
Cantor, Ed Crasnick, Ed Driscoll, Jay Johnstone, Steve Landesberg, Tammy Nerby, Jack
Riley, Ronnie Schell, Thom Sharp, Tom Tully, Lou Wagner, Fred Willard, and Paul Willson.
Gary Owens served as master of ceremonies.
Jack Riley | Ed Crasnick | Steve Landesberg | Jay Johnstone |
Click on an image to enlarge Photos courtesy of Larry Goren |
The following review of the event appeared in
the April 1, 2002 edition of the Pasadena Star-News. Written by Jim McConnell, as
part of his “Then and Now” column, the article is reprinted herewith in its
entirety courtesy of the Pasadena Star-News and Mr. McConnell:
RECENT COMEDY NIGHT WAS A PERFECT
GAME
by Jim McConnell
No fooling. The Baseball Reliquary threw out the first pitch of the local baseball season,
and it was wild.
The Pasadena-based, non-profit group is
dedicated to fostering an appreciation of American art and culture through the context of
baseball history. That, and a lot more, was accomplished recently at the Ice House Annex
in Pasadena when the Reliquary staged its first All-Star Baseball Comedy Night.
The event raised money for the Reliquary’s
latest project, a 4-by-5 foot, non-edible cake replica of Brooklyn’s Ebbets Field.
Perhaps more important, the evening reinforced the link between baseball and the arts —
in this case, the performing arts.
It turns out that almost every comedian has a
take on the grand old game. And as long as Bud Selig is commissioner and Ruben Rivera is
stealing gloves instead of bases, baseball will continue to provide America’s
humorists with plenty of fodder.
So there on the Ice House stage was Steve
Landesberg of the old “Barney Miller” TV sitcom as “Bubba,” a
burned-out, delusional baseball scout.
Gary Owens | Steve Landesberg & Jack Riley | Fred Willard |
Click on an image to enlarge |
In the bit, Bubba’s career arc definitely has crash-landed and he’s been
assigned to Finland. But like every scout ever born, he touts the territory, having
convinced himself that Barry Bonds is a product of the Helsinki Little League.
Pressed on this point by interviewer Jack Riley
(“Bob Newhart Show”), Bubba further insists that Finland produced a Hall of Fame
pitcher.
“Haven’t ya ever heard of Whitey
Fjord?” he drawls.
Thom Sharp, comedian, actor and lifelong
Detroit Tigers fan, took a turn on the stage as well. Sharp’s prized possession is a
1958 Tigers jersey worn by Charlie Maxwell, an artifact he won by aggressively outbidding
several other rabid Tigers fans in an auction. Telling his mom of his triumph, she
responds, “Is Charlie your size?”
Ed Driscoll, comedy writer for Billy Crystal,
Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Howie Mandell and Drew Carey, among others, sympathized
with Sharp. Driscoll is a long-suffering Pittsburgh Pirates fan. He now is convinced of
two things: The team went down the tubes when it placed its top farm team in Hawaii —
“What player in his right mind would want to leave Honolulu to play in
Pittsburgh?” — and the team’s new stadium, PNC Park, stands for “Pirates
Never Compete.”
Thom Sharp | Ed Driscoll | Tammy Nerby | Lou Wagner |
Click on an image to enlarge |
Then there’s Tammy Nerby, a bright new talent from Minneapolis. She admits she has
fantasized about marrying former Twins star Kirby Puckett and having him change his
name.
“Think of it. Kirby Nerby!” she said.
“Is that great or what?”
Nerby also admitted the talk of contraction is
driving Twins fans crazy.
“As a woman, I think I know enough about
contractions to know you don’t want one unless it produces a baby,” she said.
Veteran sitcom star Ronnie Schell portrayed an
alter ego, a Dodger Stadium peanut vendor. In the bit, the vendor is worried he might have
torn his rotator cuff firing bags of salted treats at fans and concerned he might be sued
over the day he filled in for the ice cream guy and beaned a customer with a frozen
sundae.
From there, it got a whole lot crazier at the
Ice House.
Former major leaguer Jay Johnstone told the
tale of his encounter with an unyielding nurse at Dodgertown in Vero Beach. He also did a
mean impression of Tommy Lasorda, complete with saliva.
As a special tribute to the Ebbets Field cake,
Paul Willson appeared as the reincarnation of Brooklyn Dodgers manager Wilbert Robinson,
“Uncle Robbie.”
Paul Willson & Tom Tully | Richie Cantor | Ronnie Schell | Terry Cannon |
Click on an image to enlarge |
In the bit, “Uncle Robbie” has been booked on a sports talk show, where he
mumbles answers that surely would have gotten him “bleeped” in record time and
defends his total lack of knowledge about current major leaguers with the line, “Hey,
whattaya expect? I’ve been dead for 50 years.”
And so it went.
Veteran comic Fred Willard had his turn at bat.
Willard, one of the hottest supporting actors in Hollywood right now for his roles in
“Waiting for Guffman” and “Best in Show,” said he once accompanied a
fellow actor to a sandlot baseball game at Central Park in New York.
“The game matched cast members from
daytime soap operas against method actors,” Willard said. “The soap opera team
could only play a couple innings a day, and the ninth inning had to be on Friday. And the
method actors couldn’t play unless they had the proper motivation. As we speak,
they’re still at home plate discussing the ground rules.”
To end the evening, Willard and Lou Wagner
jumped on stage and did a snippet of their version of Abbott and Costello’s
“Who’s on First?” routine.
Although this one isn’t quite ready for
prime time, it was both a tribute to a timeless bit and a reminder that “laff”
is a four-letter word.
As the laughs and crowd gradually faded, Riley
uttered the mantra of every baseball fan, and every comedian: “Wait ‘til next
year.”
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